He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize