Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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