You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
