Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize