We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
