Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
