I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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