Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
