my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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