I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
