and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
