If that was your dad, he is hot
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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