yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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