my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
