Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
