I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
