I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
