this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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