Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize