mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
