so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
