I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
