I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
These tits shall not be calmed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
