dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
