I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
