is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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