I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
