grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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