oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
