Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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