Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
