now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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