I feel great
I just peed on a car
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize