This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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