Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
