I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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