Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
