His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
