I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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