she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
