dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
