If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
