i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
