He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His nipple licking is glorious
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