And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
