i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
