just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
