Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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