i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
