Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
