Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
