we should wear snuggies to the strip club
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You did what with his pubic hair?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
