I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
