belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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