There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
