do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
