sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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