Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
