i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Michael Bay diarrhea
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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