We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
