just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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