Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
