i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
