there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
