God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
