low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sober January is a disaster.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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