She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize