I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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