just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize