Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
